Chopin-Raindrops Prelude.

A lot has changed this summer. Summer 09 really sucked, but it had a couple high points. One of them being my new friend Josh.
I met Josh when my cell phone started to act up. I took it into the Alltel in Branson Hills, and this goofy guy came over and started talking to me about it. An hour later I walked out with his number in my phone and a new friend. Josh is older than me and married. I was very cautious to even start talking to him, but he added me on myspace and facebook and soon we were texting and talking 24/7. We quickly realized how much we have in common, especially music and movies. We also want to get the hell out of this small town and do something worthwhile with our lives. We adopted an honesty policy with each other, and told our deepest secrets. We still kept our relationship strictly platonic until Tuesday. We were joking around in the back room at Alltel on Josh's lunch break telling stories and joking around. I was standing in front of him, jokingly beating him up, and we kissed.
I have never had a single kiss be so powerful.
All it was was one quick kiss on the lips, then we both pulled away. We were both shocked it happened and I felt like it was all my fault, so we barely talked that night. I decided to just keep being his friend and we caould go back to the strictly platonic relationship we had before.
The nextday I went into Alltel before class like nothing happened. We laughed and talked and had fun, and when I left, Josh hugged me. Not just a normal friendly hug but a too-long hug. The kind that makes you feel like you never want to let go. And I didnt want to let him go. I finally did, and when we pulled apart, Josh looked into my eyes and said good-bye. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and my heart leap into my throat. You don't look at just anyone like that.
Today, (thursday) I ended up meeting him for lunch. A safe, casual, public outing. It didn't help. We were still ourselves. Still flirting and making too much and too long of eye contact. Talking about work and life and music and food (: I went back to Branson and went to class, text him all thru class, called him when I got out, and talked to him for a good hour. Then, when I got home, we text all night. I brought up the shitty situation were in, and he hates the circumstances. I said that this may all blow over in a couple weeks, but I'm really unsure of everything. he says "If I were single itd be one thing... but unfortunately (and this sucks to say) I'm not. It's so hard from this side. I've never EVER connected with someone like you." I asked him if he thinks we could be soulmates, he says its always been on his mind. I feel like this is all so unfair. Josh is just an amazing person. He makes me laugh so much, we have so much in common and the feelings I have for him are real. If only I would have met him 5 years ago. He says his wife is holding him back from fulfilling his life, and he loves me (as a friend!) because I encourage him to do things his wife sees as unnecessary, like going back to college, or moving away from here (Seattle preferably). He told me one late night that he wants to change lives and make an impact... no one thinks like that anymore. Everyone wants to make money. I feel like he is with the wrong person. He should be with me.