I'm only myself when I'm with you baby

So, not much is going on. I have Halloween off, so I have to find a costume soon. We're just going to Mimi's, but I always dress up with John. (I know, I'm lame!) I still love Halloween! I wanna go to a party tho! oh well!

Ive been texting Dakota an awful lot. It's been really random retarded stuff, but it's funny! I just really like the guy. I just want to hang out with him and talk to him. He's pretty funny and actually kind of intelligent! It 's also kind of weird that Ive seen 3 shotting stars while on the phone in the past week! I told him about it, and he asked me if I thought it was a sign. I'm not sure what to think, but I like to fantasize that it is. I caught him the other night as he was walking to his car in the mall parking lot, and he was telling me about how the new girl is like 35 and se was asking him all kinds of questions. One that she asked was why don't you have a girlfriend? and he said I don't want a girlfriend! Then he looked at me, blushed, and stammered bbbbbut if ya know the uh right girl um came along.... and I just smiled. It was the cutest thing ever. He's so cute!

You know you love me

xoxo
Kels

I can't sleep and I'm not in love, I can't speak without messing up

So, my life is boring. John's been sick, so Ive been taking care of him. But thankfully, he went to school today. He was really good while he was home with me, though. LeighAnna'a home for the weekend, so we're going out to dinner with Annie Dyche. Im really excited for it! I havent seen Annie since graduation,and LA hasnt been home in a while!
I'm kind of excited to go to work today for two reasons. One, we have a new guy Dustin that's really nice and two, so I can go see Dakota at the music store. Dakota's really nice and a lot like me. I hung out with Carlie last Friday and we went in to say hi. When we left, I asked what she thought of him, and she said he was so flirting with me! lol Idk... I've talked to him a bit, but would it be weird to ask him to hang out? I hate being unsure of myself!
you know you love me

xoxo
Kelsi

UPDATE:
I got to see Dakota tonight! I went in to say hi, and he stole my phone and put his number in it! AND he was texting me less than 5 minutes after I left! ANNND he's called me pretty 4 times tonight! yay me!

I'm leaving you for the last time baby,You think you're loving but you don't love me

I'm just doing this for you, Tiffany. I would really rather not relive the memories...

I went to the Hotel of Terror last night with Sam, Micheal, Tiffany, Scottie, Leah, Melissa and Duane. It was quite fun! But Sam told the clowns that the blonde in the next group (that be me) hates clowns. Naturally, they bombarded me and got in my face and called me Blondie. I totally freaked! I started crying and had trouble breathing and I think I remember yelling obscenities! Poor Micheal was in front of me and I tried to throw him between me and the clowns, but it didnt work too well. And Tiff had my hand or my hoodie, and was just telling me to close my eyes, but I could still hear their creepy freaking voices! And they kept yelling "Come back and play with us Blondie!" It still creeps me the hell out! But, I went down the huge slide, which was quite fun, and when we got back to the street, one of the clowns came out on the fire escape and started calling to me again! I just yelled at him to leave me alone, but when he started crawling down the ladder I yelled out "Dude, do you not see this?!" and pointed at my face, whichwas very very tear streaked. He thankfully left me alone after that! It was fun, but I'm not sure if I would do it again!

I also got to talk to Micheal for a while, and judging by what he was saying, he didn't mean a single word about changing for me. Which, really, I didnt care if he changed or not. I liked him for him. He's crazy fun and exactly what I needed. Now, I'm just disappointed. I sent him a text saying I was leaving and he said "Awe" and I texted back "Why awe?" and he said "Because I wanted to see you" So I called him and said i was still in Nixa, and he goes on about how his electricity is screwing up or something so he has to get that figured out today. But, he'll come to Branson to see me soon. I pretty much took that like a big "Fuck you." I'm not even sure if I even want to be his friend.

Anyways, I'm gonna go clean my room and listen to some Death Cab For Cutie!!!

You Know You Love Me!
Kelsi

Goodnight

And I'm up, down, I'm spinning around
High and dry and kicked to the ground
I'm lost and I'll never be found
My lips were much too shy
The lines about you, they never rhymed
You said I never get things right
I never said I was the best thing for you
And baby, where'd you go?
I need you here tonight

Singing myself to sleep
And you're still my favorite melody
It's been three weeks
How long can this go on?
Singing myself to sleep
And you're haunting every memory
Get out, goodbye
Get out of my life
Goodnight

And you're hot, cold
You're not available
You run while I lose control
I miss youForever you'll stay gold
You know I'm not getting by
I've lost it, you're in my mind
And everyday's the darkest of my life
I never said I was the best thing for you
Baby, where'd you go?
I need you here tonight

Singing myself to sleep
And you're still my favorite melody
It's been three weeks
How long can this go on?
Singing myself to sleep
And you're haunting every memory
Get out, goodbye, get out of my life'
cause I'm drowning when I close my eyes
And I'm fallin' can't breathe tonight
And a story I fade to black inside
I never said I was the best thing for you

Singing myself to sleep
And you're still my favorite melody
It's been three weeks
How long can this go on?
Singing myself to sleep
And you're haunting every memory
Get out,
goodbye,
get out of my life
cause I'm drowning when I close my eyes
And I'm fallin', can't breath tonight
And a story I fade to black inside

I am such a haunted soul

Let's recap the past week, shall we?
-Micheal called me, says he's confused and doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now.
- Less than a week later, he's dating some ugly guy. I'm done with him.
-I miss Sam so much.
-I hung out with Jonathan and Dustin a bit. Dustin and I are just friends.
-I got to see Bryce last night. I've missed him.
-Bobby from work is a total cutie, and I took Jonathan's phone and pretended to be him and asked Bobby all kinds of questions about me!
-Today at work, Bobby actually talked to me, and I caught him looking at me more than a dozen times.
And whoever reads this, I love you for taking a couple minutes to hear my tales of sorrow!

I sink into myself, Afraid of the fall that never ends

So, I'm completely totally fed up. Nothing is going right. I had a great time with Micheal, then he ignores me. I havent heard from him since Monday or Tuesday. Then my friend Jonathan introduces me to his roommate Dustin, and him and I instantly became friends. He seemed really nice, and we hung out Thursday. We both had a lot of fun, tho all we did was walk the Landing and watch movies, I still had fun. Nothing much happened, but we both confessed to liking each other, and I thought everything was good. Well, he texts me later that night and says he's going to Ava to see his parents. His roommate/my friend Jonathan texts me and says he went to his ex girlfriend's house. I'm like oooookay. Weird. Turns out he broke up with her right before he met me to hang out Thursday, and I guess he went to Springfield to see her because he regrets the decision to break up. I'm so pissed off at this point, I just broke down. I haven't cried that hard since the whole Chris fiasco back in January. It just feels like I'm unwanted. I've just been thru so much emotionally this past year I'm not sure how much more I can take. And the more I think about it, the more I cry. I just can't help it. Anyways, Dustin keeps saying he feels bad, and he wants to make it up to me and he's sorry. And I just tell him there isnt enough I'm sorry's in the world to make me feel better, and there's nothing he can do to make it up to me. I mean, I really liked him and felt comfortable with him. I fell asleep in his arms for God's sake! I trusted him. And less than 12 hours later he totally screws it up. It's not fair. Why do I have to go thru this with every guy I meet? Maybe I'm too trusting. My dad says I have an old soul, and their usually really trusting. But this really hurts. Everything that has happened in the past year is catching up with me. My heart feels cold. Literally. The space in my chest where my heart is feels like its an icebox. And I hate to be all depressed and emo-ish. I really want to feel better, but I'm not sure if I can feel better this time.