I realized I like just posted, but I had to get some things out in the open.
I talked to Brandon for two hours tonight on the phone. It was so nice just to hear his voice. But what really sucks is he told me he was talking to his ex. He explained that they broke up and then he met me, and a week later she started texted him out of the blue and they started talking again. It kind of hurt me, but at the same time, it didnt really bother me either. I mean, as much as I do like him and as much as I want this to work, it just didnt bother me. I think its because I don't really know her, other than her facebook stuff (Which she asked to be my friend. awkward) All I know is she cheated on him. With his friend. Yeah, I know. Why would he even think about getting back with her? I say once a cheater, always a cheater! I'm not even sure what to feel right now. I'm not gonna see him for three weeks, but then I've only known him for two. It just kinda happened really fast. All I know right now is I like him and I like hanging out with him.
You know you love me.
xoxo
Kelsi
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
I've got the words if you've got the melody, you've got me singing!
So, I've had good couple of days! Everyone was home for the holiday, so I got to see Lucus and LeighAnna on Wednesday. They're both doing good!
I got to hang out with Brandon on Monday. What can I say? The kid just gets me. I realized on Tuesday that I haven't really flirted with him. He just likes me. The dorky, kinda funny always ridiculous Kelsi, not the sex kitten, come hither Kelsi. It kinda threw me through a loop! He's in Texas right now for Thanksgiving, and he's sick. Poor baby....
I worked like 18 hours today and went 26 hours without sleep, so I'm gonna get some shut-eye
You know you love me.
xoxo
Kels
I got to hang out with Brandon on Monday. What can I say? The kid just gets me. I realized on Tuesday that I haven't really flirted with him. He just likes me. The dorky, kinda funny always ridiculous Kelsi, not the sex kitten, come hither Kelsi. It kinda threw me through a loop! He's in Texas right now for Thanksgiving, and he's sick. Poor baby....
I worked like 18 hours today and went 26 hours without sleep, so I'm gonna get some shut-eye
You know you love me.
xoxo
Kels
Friday, November 21, 2008
1234
So, I pretty much had an awesome 2 days. I saw Twilight, got to see Sam, Mel, Duane and Nathanael, and met Brandon!
The premiere was freakin amazing! It was SO much fun and I'm so glad I got to do it with them! We took all kinds of crazy pix that I'll have to upload to various websites!
So Brandon. He's a really nice guy I met thru a mutual friend, and we just hit it off. We are seriously SO much alike! We finally got to really hang out, and we were finishing each others sentences and saying things at the same time... it was crazy!!! And it was so cute what he planned for our kinda date. First off, I met his family. They are so nice and welcoming and reminded me a bit of my family! then, we went and watched old Disney movies in his basement! I had said something about liking them last week, and he actually remembered! So we watched Aladdin and The Great Mouse Detective and then I had to go home. I really like him, but he goes to a college in Rolla. Boo.
You know you love me
xoxo
Kelsi
The premiere was freakin amazing! It was SO much fun and I'm so glad I got to do it with them! We took all kinds of crazy pix that I'll have to upload to various websites!
So Brandon. He's a really nice guy I met thru a mutual friend, and we just hit it off. We are seriously SO much alike! We finally got to really hang out, and we were finishing each others sentences and saying things at the same time... it was crazy!!! And it was so cute what he planned for our kinda date. First off, I met his family. They are so nice and welcoming and reminded me a bit of my family! then, we went and watched old Disney movies in his basement! I had said something about liking them last week, and he actually remembered! So we watched Aladdin and The Great Mouse Detective and then I had to go home. I really like him, but he goes to a college in Rolla. Boo.
You know you love me
xoxo
Kelsi
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not
So I felt like writing, and they alwayssay "Write whatyou know" so here goes...
Untitled
By Kelsi Gause
I can still remember the first time I saw him. He walked into the band room my freshman year of high school with those pretty green eyes, emo haircut, and black skinny jeans, and I knew I had to be friends with him. His name was Chris, and lucky for me, he was in band and drama, same as me. While we were working on musical, we became really good friends, and stayed that way until something happened my junior year. I came back from summer vacation, and it was like overnight I had turned into one very sexy, very curvy girl. And Chris took notice. He started giving me extra attention, and I reveled in it.
It all started that fateful night after play practice, November 12, 2006. I was playing in the orchestra, and Chris was The Mute in the play. He was nice enough to help me put stuff away, so I waited for him to change out of his costume. We had always been really comfortable with each other, so it was no big deal for me to watch him change in the basement. I was saying something about going out to eat that night while he pulled up his pants, and he just kissed me in mid-sentence. It was the single most powerful thing I had ever felt in my life. I had dreamed about this moment for two whole years, and it had finally happened. And it was perfect.
After that, we started hooking up anywhere and everywhere. We would text each other if we got a free hour and meet up in the choir room or band room. He would say the sweetest things like he really cared about me, and how much he wanted us to be together, just not now. Meanwhile, my friends were telling me not to even start anything with him, but I didn’t listen to them. We would stay up insanely late texting each other about the stupidest things, and go to the lake near my house and just watch the water. It was everything I had always wanted out of a relationship, except the commitment. Chris was into not labeling things and just letting things happen, and since he was a year older than me, I just thought this was how “grown-up” relationships worked.
Chris graduated in May of 2007. We kept seeing each other throughout the summer, and we got closer than ever. Inside though, I was constantly having conflicting emotions about staying with him. I would stay up late at night wondering if he actually cared about me, then beating myself up for questioning his feelings when I thought they were so blatantly obvious.
There was one day in particular that he came over that was horrible. It started out good enough. We went down to the lake and just lay on the dock and talked. Then we went back to my house to watch a movie, but things went differently like usual. His head ended up in my lap, and I was playing with his hair, and I realized I really loved him. He left soon after for work, and after I closed the door, I collapsed to the ground and just started sobbing. The tears just wouldn’t stop coming as I sat on the cold hardwood and realized he would never love me the way I loved him. It was the hardest realization I had ever made, and just one of many to follow.
The rest of the summer passed in a blur of band rehearsals and cheerleading practices, and before I knew it, my senior year had started. I thought maybe this would distance Chris and me a bit, but he showed up to play rehearsals and joked around with everyone like he had never left. There was still a huge attraction between us, but everything we did we kept under secrets and lies. I felt that I should really get out of this thing before I get hurt even worse, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was afraid that I would lose a best friend as well as a sort-of boyfriend. So I kept seeing him. I liked other guys and dated other guys, but in the back of my mind there was always Chris.
Over Christmas break we hung out a lot, mostly at his apartment. One special night, I lost my virginity to him. It wasn’t everything I had expected, but I thought that we would have time for me to get used to it. But after that night, something changed between us. Chris became distant and didn’t return my texts or calls. I started blaming myself for being too clingy or wanting too much from him. What I didn’t realize was he had found someone else.
Chris never even told me he was dating her. And by her I mean a 15-year-old I went to school with that hated me. He stopped talking to me completely after we had a nasty conversation that ended with me yelling “I’ll never be good enough for you!” which was quite the truth. I was glad it was over, but at the same time I still wanted to at least talk to him and apologize. He never answered anything I sent him.
3 months later, I get a text out of the blue from him saying he was sorry he ignored me, but I needed sometime to cool off. I hated to admit it, but he was right. In those three months, I saw how horribly he treated me, and how I shouldn’t have let it go on for as long as it did. After that text, everything was fine. We went back to being the best friends we were 3 years ago. We still hang out and cause trouble, but we both know that it can’t, and won’t, go any farther than friendship. I love him because he’s my best friend, but I resent him in some ways because he really screwed up my idea of a relationship. Even now I have a hard time trusting guys and letting them get close to me. And I have yet to have a decent relationship after Chris.
I grew up a lot in those two years. I was forced to play mind games when I barely knew what I was doing. I learned the hard way how guys can be huge ass holes, and when to walk away. But most of all, I learned to love myself. Life’s lessons can be tough to learn, and this one was by far the toughest. But I’m fighter, and no one, not even Chris, can make me fall.
When things are bad and getting worse,
Keep a cookie in your purse!
Untitled
By Kelsi Gause
I can still remember the first time I saw him. He walked into the band room my freshman year of high school with those pretty green eyes, emo haircut, and black skinny jeans, and I knew I had to be friends with him. His name was Chris, and lucky for me, he was in band and drama, same as me. While we were working on musical, we became really good friends, and stayed that way until something happened my junior year. I came back from summer vacation, and it was like overnight I had turned into one very sexy, very curvy girl. And Chris took notice. He started giving me extra attention, and I reveled in it.
It all started that fateful night after play practice, November 12, 2006. I was playing in the orchestra, and Chris was The Mute in the play. He was nice enough to help me put stuff away, so I waited for him to change out of his costume. We had always been really comfortable with each other, so it was no big deal for me to watch him change in the basement. I was saying something about going out to eat that night while he pulled up his pants, and he just kissed me in mid-sentence. It was the single most powerful thing I had ever felt in my life. I had dreamed about this moment for two whole years, and it had finally happened. And it was perfect.
After that, we started hooking up anywhere and everywhere. We would text each other if we got a free hour and meet up in the choir room or band room. He would say the sweetest things like he really cared about me, and how much he wanted us to be together, just not now. Meanwhile, my friends were telling me not to even start anything with him, but I didn’t listen to them. We would stay up insanely late texting each other about the stupidest things, and go to the lake near my house and just watch the water. It was everything I had always wanted out of a relationship, except the commitment. Chris was into not labeling things and just letting things happen, and since he was a year older than me, I just thought this was how “grown-up” relationships worked.
Chris graduated in May of 2007. We kept seeing each other throughout the summer, and we got closer than ever. Inside though, I was constantly having conflicting emotions about staying with him. I would stay up late at night wondering if he actually cared about me, then beating myself up for questioning his feelings when I thought they were so blatantly obvious.
There was one day in particular that he came over that was horrible. It started out good enough. We went down to the lake and just lay on the dock and talked. Then we went back to my house to watch a movie, but things went differently like usual. His head ended up in my lap, and I was playing with his hair, and I realized I really loved him. He left soon after for work, and after I closed the door, I collapsed to the ground and just started sobbing. The tears just wouldn’t stop coming as I sat on the cold hardwood and realized he would never love me the way I loved him. It was the hardest realization I had ever made, and just one of many to follow.
The rest of the summer passed in a blur of band rehearsals and cheerleading practices, and before I knew it, my senior year had started. I thought maybe this would distance Chris and me a bit, but he showed up to play rehearsals and joked around with everyone like he had never left. There was still a huge attraction between us, but everything we did we kept under secrets and lies. I felt that I should really get out of this thing before I get hurt even worse, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was afraid that I would lose a best friend as well as a sort-of boyfriend. So I kept seeing him. I liked other guys and dated other guys, but in the back of my mind there was always Chris.
Over Christmas break we hung out a lot, mostly at his apartment. One special night, I lost my virginity to him. It wasn’t everything I had expected, but I thought that we would have time for me to get used to it. But after that night, something changed between us. Chris became distant and didn’t return my texts or calls. I started blaming myself for being too clingy or wanting too much from him. What I didn’t realize was he had found someone else.
Chris never even told me he was dating her. And by her I mean a 15-year-old I went to school with that hated me. He stopped talking to me completely after we had a nasty conversation that ended with me yelling “I’ll never be good enough for you!” which was quite the truth. I was glad it was over, but at the same time I still wanted to at least talk to him and apologize. He never answered anything I sent him.
3 months later, I get a text out of the blue from him saying he was sorry he ignored me, but I needed sometime to cool off. I hated to admit it, but he was right. In those three months, I saw how horribly he treated me, and how I shouldn’t have let it go on for as long as it did. After that text, everything was fine. We went back to being the best friends we were 3 years ago. We still hang out and cause trouble, but we both know that it can’t, and won’t, go any farther than friendship. I love him because he’s my best friend, but I resent him in some ways because he really screwed up my idea of a relationship. Even now I have a hard time trusting guys and letting them get close to me. And I have yet to have a decent relationship after Chris.
I grew up a lot in those two years. I was forced to play mind games when I barely knew what I was doing. I learned the hard way how guys can be huge ass holes, and when to walk away. But most of all, I learned to love myself. Life’s lessons can be tough to learn, and this one was by far the toughest. But I’m fighter, and no one, not even Chris, can make me fall.
When things are bad and getting worse,
Keep a cookie in your purse!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is yours to miss
Tiffany and Scottie's wedding was last night! It was so pretty! I'm so happy for them! It's couples like them And sam and Nathaneal that give me hope for finding love. Speaking of love...
Today was the best day of my life (so far). First, I worked, which was fun! then the lights went out and we got out early! I texted Dakota and asked if he was getting off at 5 too, and he showed up at my car when I got off. i got into his car, seeing as mine is always messy, and we were just talking about how mean we are to each other and he leaned in and kissed me. It was perfect. I've never had such a good first kiss. It was just amazing. I really can't explain it. I'm just falling and falling... and he's there to catch me. As many guys as I've liked, I've never felt 100% sure about anything, but I feel 110% about Dakota. And as many guys as I see at work and around town, not one of them have caught my eye lately. Everytime I look at a guy, I think of Dakota. It's so weird and crazyfor me to be so into just one guy. I'm just so.... happy, excited, overjoyed, giddy, exuberant, joyful..... perfect. Everything right now is just perfect.
xoxo
Kelsi
Today was the best day of my life (so far). First, I worked, which was fun! then the lights went out and we got out early! I texted Dakota and asked if he was getting off at 5 too, and he showed up at my car when I got off. i got into his car, seeing as mine is always messy, and we were just talking about how mean we are to each other and he leaned in and kissed me. It was perfect. I've never had such a good first kiss. It was just amazing. I really can't explain it. I'm just falling and falling... and he's there to catch me. As many guys as I've liked, I've never felt 100% sure about anything, but I feel 110% about Dakota. And as many guys as I see at work and around town, not one of them have caught my eye lately. Everytime I look at a guy, I think of Dakota. It's so weird and crazyfor me to be so into just one guy. I'm just so.... happy, excited, overjoyed, giddy, exuberant, joyful..... perfect. Everything right now is just perfect.
xoxo
Kelsi
Monday, November 3, 2008
It's my catch of lightening, the chances of finding someone like you
So, Halloween was fun. We went over to Mimi's and had dinner,. like usual! I took John trick-or-treating, and he was happy with just stopping at like 5 houses! I tried ti get him to do more, but he just wanted to go see Mimi and eat pumpkin pie! I also went to his party at school, and got asked by about 5 parents who my kid was. I guess I look older than my age because a lot of them were surprised when I said I was big sister and not mom! I met his teacher, too, who is a complete and total bitch. She didnt even thank me for helping or baking cupcakes! Whatev!
Hopefully, today I'll get to see Dakota. We're supposed to go to lunch, but his day sounded kind of packed already. Ya know it's funny, I went over to Jeff Hintz's house Saturday, and even tho I've always had a small crush on him, I didnt even flirt with him. I haven't thought of Dustin or Micheal or any other guy since Dakota and I started talking. I did get a little freak-out when I saw Josh was in a relationship, but just as the tears sprang up, I got a text from D and they were gone just as fast as they came. It's crazy for me to be so focused on one guy. I usually have like 3 or 4 at least, but all I think about is Dakota. Lucus says I'm in love, I say no. I've rushed into things and screwed up too many good possibilities to think like that again. I do know one thing: I'm falling, and hard.
Hopefully, today I'll get to see Dakota. We're supposed to go to lunch, but his day sounded kind of packed already. Ya know it's funny, I went over to Jeff Hintz's house Saturday, and even tho I've always had a small crush on him, I didnt even flirt with him. I haven't thought of Dustin or Micheal or any other guy since Dakota and I started talking. I did get a little freak-out when I saw Josh was in a relationship, but just as the tears sprang up, I got a text from D and they were gone just as fast as they came. It's crazy for me to be so focused on one guy. I usually have like 3 or 4 at least, but all I think about is Dakota. Lucus says I'm in love, I say no. I've rushed into things and screwed up too many good possibilities to think like that again. I do know one thing: I'm falling, and hard.
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